So, if you’ve been alive in like the last decade I’m pretty sure you’ve seen Mean Girls, I mean, even the sassy kids I nanny have seen it… Well, while I was just hanging out reading my bible and what not this morning, the whole “she doesn’t even go here!” phrase kept running through my mind, I was even hearing it in Damien’s voice.

I couldn’t keep it out, especially in regards to all the stuff happening in the world right now, lets be honest it’s looking pretty bleak.

These past few days, the topic of loving people has been at the forefront of my mind; loving without reservation. I was talking to a really great friend about how I just wish that instead of people destroying one another in the name of their nation or beliefs or what have you, that we could just all sit down and talk about it and resolve our problems.

I know, I know, it’s wishful thinking, but how similar is that to Jesus.

How often does he show up in the bible and say to love one another? He just jumps up on stage and is like “I wish that I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles… and we could all get along.” He doesn’t actually say that, but for all intensive purposes, you get my point. He’s sitting up in heaven doing bicep curls and answering prayer requests, thinking ‘dude, the greatest commandment is love.’

John 13:34-35 ESV

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Colossians 3:14 ESV

“And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

1 John 4:19 ESV

“We love because he first loved us.”

1 Peter 4:8 ESV

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”

I sit here, just wondering why it’s so hard for us to live this out, you know? Like why is it that every time it comes down to actually having to love someone difficult to change something, we stand up and yell “SHE DOENST EVEN GO HERE!”

Just like two days ago, I wrote another post basically about the fear of love because of hurt. I still think that is applicable to this; we live our lives terrified of not lining up to the comparisons we’ve built in our minds or because someone has ripped our heart out and hurt us, but real love is painful.

Real love is sacrificial, I’m not married, but I’m pretty sure any married couple would agree. You have to give of yourself to make someone else better sometimes. I mean, look at the Lord for goodness sake, he had to watch his son be brutally murdered and ridiculed because he loves us so much.

Love isn’t meant to be safe or a walk in the park. It’s meant to be a daring adventure requiring bravery at its fullest. The thing about that is, we think bravery is being able to demolish our fears, but I honestly think that bravery is seen in the moments when we can acknowledge we are terrified and continue on despite.

Loving hard people and opening your arms to them is hard, it will be uncomfortable, it will probably be scary, it may even be life altering but as that super famous quote goes… “It is far better to have loved and lost then to have not loved at all.”

I would just like to say, instead of being Damien and Miss Norbury next time love shows up and asks to be shown, don’t kick it out, embrace it. Love out of the healthy parts of your heart, the parts where Jesus has healed you. When Jesus loves people through you, those fears and hurts will be conquered, you’ll walk in bravery and love well.

So, it’s a good day, forget all the “she doesn’t even go here” nonsense and just love people; when you see them as Jesus does it will be impossible not to. We were all created with such value. Remember that. You are valuable and so is that annoying guy that lives next door to you.

 

XoXo,

Brunette Adventurer

What Are You So Afraid Of?

What are you so afraid of?

Something I asked someone just the other day.

Have you been in a conversation with someone and you could just tell they were holding back, almost as if they were utterly terrified to let you in? I have. Maybe, you’re the person who dreads opening their heart in fear of being destroyed. Either way, let me just ask, WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?

Maybe, you’ve been hurt too many times before, maybe you’re afraid of being replaced, maybe you’re afraid people will leave you, maybe it’s that after they find out who you are they won’t love you any more.

I’m afraid. I’m afraid that no one will be brave enough to fall in love with me.

I often times, find myself lost in a battle in my mind. There are days I conquer all fear and there are days when all seems lost, I’m behind enemy lines, and I want to wave the white flag of defeat not surrender. In those moments of destruction I have these inward discussions with myself about who I know I am, but also that I feel I am something else.

To me, it’s heart breaking that there has been so much hurt that rip our gentle hearts to pieces causing us to cower in the face of true relational growth. I don’t mean this in a strictly romantic way; I mean this in an all-encompassing way. Like those girls who only have guy friends because girls are mean, or those people who segregate themselves from different types of people because they have preconceived ideas of how someone will treat them based off of one tainted experience.

I tend to do something where I just assume everyone is good, then they hurt me and I don’t understand. I don’t get how someone can be so cruel, so I build walls and only let people get to a certain point then I start pushing them out or I run away. That is one reason I say I’m afraid that no one will be brave enough to fall in love with me, because they will probably have to help knock some of those walls down. The one good part about that is, even when we are afraid of people hurting us so we make them fight to stay, God sits in heaven holding us in his arms.

Sometimes I wonder if he feels the same as us, because we are constantly hurting him and pushing him away. Why is it that so many of us blame him for the pain we suffer? We wonder how a loving God can let such horrible things happen in the world, in our lives, in the lives of ‘good people.’

The thing is, he isn’t letting bad things happen, he is there in the midst of the bad things, helping us get through them. He is the reason we can come out on top of death, addiction, anxiety, and so on.

Romans 5:8 ESV

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

2 Chronicles 20:17 ESV

“You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem.’ Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed. Tomorrow go out against them, and the Lord will be with you.”

I really like this scripture because it’s sort of saying that those battles in our minds, we can win them, God goes with us to fight those fears in our minds. He fights for us when we let him. He wants us to fall in love with him and life.

Every time you encounter a person that seemingly won’t let you in, remember they’re probably just being careful because of past hurts; don’t let that fear affect how you love people. At the end of the day, fear or no fear, we are called to love people through their hurt. Don’t let fear ruin your future, instead think of it like going on the quest to Mordor; go up to someone and just quote Gandalf, “I am looking for someone to share in adventure.”

(P.S that’s Lord of The Rings, for those of you who didn’t get that reference)

Love is an adventure, and that’s what we’re called to do, love people. Adventures are scary, but they’re sure fun. Have an amazing week, love people; adventure.

XoXo,

Brunette Adventurer

Social Suicide

Social Media isn’t bad.

*drops mic*

Here’s the thing though, Social Media has been around since like before most of us millennial really knew what we were doing with it; its been a lil minute. There has been so much hype about how unauthentic it is and how awful and horrible and fake, but guess what? Did you watch the movie Clueless, or Breakfast Club? There were cliques in those movies, yeah? There was bullying? There were people pretending to be something they’re not? THERE WASN’T SOCIAL MEDIA BACK THEN AND THERE WERE STILL AUTHENTICITY PROBLEMS.

Oh my gosh? WHAT!? Is this real life? Yep, it is.

Alright folks, if you are speaking out against social media on social media… you’re doing it wrong. If you really didn’t care or if it really didn’t matter then you would delete all your accounts and go off the grid, because apparently that’s the only way to be truly authentic… The funny thing is, now, essentially committing social suicide is a trend. Listen dude, who freaking cares about being trendy, just live your dang life.

Let me just say, that if being completely disconnected is the only way to be authentic, then I don’t want to be authentic.

This sounds really sassy, and kind of like a rant, well it slightly is… but I really just want to talk about the good side of social media. The thing is, there is good and bad to everything. A hamburger sure tastes real nice when its goin into your mouth, but then it gets to your belly and turns into fat. You can use what you have to do something good or to do something bad.

I think the reason this social media stuff is so huge is because the hurt so many people have undergone in that arena. While social media can cause things like discontentment, jealousy, envy and all that, it also gives us community. Community which was created to connect us to people who share in our same struggles and dreams, community that could change the world for the better if we would let ourselves.

That stuff that acts as blinders causing us to lose sight of the good it can do is probably because we’ve been finding our identity in the wrong place. Let me just cover this topic real quick: Jesus called you to be his sons and daughters through adoption via salvation; you have access to all that goodness he speaks about you. You are worthy. You are valued. You are a conqueror. You are redeemed. You are strong. You are faithful.

[Check out Ephesians 1:5]

Now that we’ve got that covered, lets talk about community. I seriously love social media for that fact. I met my best friend because of Instagram and like 900 other phenomenal people who would drop anything to help me, simply because of this “unauthentic” app. God has called us into community with him and with others, to show them his love and to grow in him.

Hebrews 10:24-25 (ESV)

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

Galatians 6:2 (ESV)

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (ESV)

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

Romans 12:9-21 (ESV)

“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. …”

Look at that, about 9-million-and-1 scriptures about unity and community and loving peeps and all that jazz. So, that last verse says stay away from evil and cling to the goodness. Anything could be used for evil or for goodness. Like money, is money bad? Nope. If you let it consume you, it becomes a bad thing though. That brings us the authenticity side of things, are you unauthentic if you’re on social media? Heck no. You can be unauthentic anywhere you are. If you really don’t want to talk to someone and your throw on that Barbie smile and say “Omg, hey girl!” that’s unauthentic. Have you ever been shopping or to a restaurant? I guarantee you that the employee who helped you was probably using their customer service personality…

The question isn’t being authentic; it’s being vulnerable enough to be who you truly are no matter what platform, pixilated or physical. Because Jesus calls us to love, when he is living in us, we can’t help but be vulnerable with each other. Christ bleeds authenticity and genuineness.

My advice; place your identity in Christ, get over yourself, love people. FOCUS ON THE DANG POSITIVE SIDE OF THINGS. Ok, that’s enough of my rant post. I love all you guys and just know that whatever your opinion on this social media conundrum, don’t let it get in the way of just showing people that they matter simply because they exist.

XoXo,

Brunette Adventurer

Monsters

Discouragement is a monster. It pops out of the closet to scare you so bad that you’ll pee your pants. It hides under your bed and moves around so you cower in fear under your covers. The thing about this monster though, it doesn’t just wait till your darkest hour, late at night, lots of times he comes out in the middle of a sunny afternoon to just pick a fight and maybe cut you down a few notches.

I’ve found that discouragement comes in many, many forms. It doesn’t just come as someone doubting you, it comes as doubting yourself, harsh words, disbelief, self loathing, believing that other people are better than you, the fear of failure, the fear of the unknown, doubting that good things will happen to you and the list could go on and on and on.

Through the course of my life I have found myself discouraged, way more than I should be and you know why? It’s because I used to suffer from super bad anxiety based out of my fear for practically everything ever in existence.

I would lie awake at night fearful that I wouldn’t wake up the next morning, for no particular reason either, just because I didn’t know. Like am I a lunatic? Yep, basically, because that’s really silly.

I think that I’ve decided that instead of being utterly terrified of the monster under my bed, I’m going to pull a “Boo” from Monsters Inc. and just walk right up to that bad boy and conquer him with my joy. After all, what do we really have to be afraid of?

Ok, so that’s all fine and dandy right? Deciding to conquer your discouragement, but how do you go about doing that; words are nice (I’m a writer, I adore words) but lets be honest actions are better.

First things first (im tha reeelist) Galatians 5:1 that sucker. Take your stand.

Galatians 5:1 (MSG)

“Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.”

Then after you do that. Renew your mind.

Ephesians 4:23 (ESV)

“And to be renewed in the spirit of your minds,”

Finally, do this. Put on love.

Colossians 3:12-14 (ESV)

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

There it is the stuff that will help you look your monster in the eye, grab him by the paw, and give him a hug.

Having courage doesn’t mean you’re lacking in fear, it means you are able to look at your fear and decide to overcome it.

Romans 8:37 (ESV)

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”

“Exchange your discouragement for holy anticipation.” – Priscilla Shirer

There it is folks, lets pull a “boo!” Instead of being terrified because of your discouragements, look at them and see it as an exercise to build your faith and be excited to see how God is going to show up this time.

Now, lets all listen to some old school worship jams, “your love never fails, it never gives up,” you know? Have a phenomenal rest of the week; go conquer your discouragement with holy anticipation and excitement. You’re amazing. Now, go kill it! *insert hair flip*

XoXo,

Brunette Adventurer

Waiting, Right Now

“Tomorrow way too far away

And we can’t get back yesterday

But we young right now

We got right now

So get up right now

Cause all we got is Right Now”

– Right Now, Rihanna feat. David Guetta

Earlier today, I was driving in my automobile, and this song popped up on my phone. Don’t ask me why it’s on there, it just is. When it popped up, I almost switched it off because, TBH it’s not my fav, but I kept listening then had this sort of epiphany from the Lord. Kind of along the lines of that scripture that’s like yo, tomorrow’s troubles are gonna worry about themselves, so get over it.

Matthew 6:34 (ESV)

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

Look at Rihanna bringing scriptural revelation. Haha. But really. I’ve had a lot of random stuff going on in my life, to make it anything other than concrete which normally would stress me out to the max, but this time its not. I have an overwhelming peace about the unknown and unforeseen. Its like when you’re on a camping trip and everybody finds this cave they want to hike to and climb around in.

One end of the spectrum you’re like “Omg, that’s terrifying, what if there are bears? It’s gonna be dark in there, what if someone falls down and breaks their arm then we get blocked in by a boulder and were stranded for days so we have to decide who to eat first, then the bear who was in there wakes up from hibernation cause everyone was fighting about who to eat, then the bear just eats everybody and we’re all screwed!” or there’s the other end of the spectrum, that’s like, “Omg, this is going to be so cool. What an adventure. So-n-so is going and we’re going to build such a solid relationship, then we’re going to fall in love when I/she trips on a rock and I/he catches me/her. Then we’ll go back there next year to that exact spot for the proposal and the mama bear will be gone and only the bear cubs will be home so we’ll have the most trendy engagement photos on social media, then we’ll get famous and go on Ellen, then start our own bear cub rangeling company for photo shoots and its going to be so cool!

It is a huge rarity for me that I am on the positive side of this spectrum; I’m so excited for what God is going to do with my unknown. Recently I’ve been reading about Gods timing and transitions and blooming where you’re planted, which is totally Jesus because I’ve been struggling with staying in Dallas.

A very wise woman that I know, Jess Youngblood, who happens to be a pastor at my church said something the other day at a connect group I go to, she said, “Our call doesn’t have a dead line.” That hit me in the gut, because so often I worry myself into a tizzy thinking about what I can do to get to my call or promise, or whatever, but that’s not ever how it works in the bible. Usually God makes you wait a hot minute till the good stuff comes. It’s like going to a Marvel movie, in theaters, and you have to hang around after the credits to get the sneak peek.

We get so focused on the future that we forget about where we’re at, RIGHT NOW.

Ephesians 1:9 (ESV)

 “Making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ.”

Jeremiah 29: 7, 10-14

“But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare.”

“For thus says the Lord: When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.”

I love that both of these verses talk about waiting then they also talk about the promise. I think that so often, we, me included, get so focused on the promise that we completely look over the fact that in the waiting is when Jesus begins to build the character we’ll need to conquer and complete the call he’s placed on us.

“The gift (call) that is on you will destroy you unless the character that is in you can sustain you.” – Christine Cain

I struggle with this on the daily, because I very much look forward to what God has planned for my life, but in thinking about it, I don’t want to miss out on what he has for me right now. I don’t want to miss out on the lives that will impact me, the people I’ll meet, the relationships I’ll build, the stuff I’ll learn, and the character that’s being developed in me just because I have to spend a little extra time being uncomfortable.

“We’re not about our comfort, we’re about our Christ.” – Earl McClellan

Waiting is uncomfortable, but in the end the character that Christ is building in us that will help in our call to bring people to Him is the most important thing.

So, dang, that was a little longer than I had expected, but I feel like I haven’t sat down to write in about 47 years, which is weird cause I’m only 23, but whatever. I’m happy it was long, written processing. Love it! I hope you all have an amazing and safe weekend. You are phenomenal! I love you!

XoXo,

Brunette Adventurer

Unstoppable.

“She was unstoppable, not because she did not have failures or doubt, but because she continued on despite them. “ – Beau Taplin || Unstoppable

Recently, I’ve been feeling like a big, huge, ginormous failure.

I have, it sucks. I wish I didn’t.

I try to affirm myself in who God says I am, but it never seems to take root, which is silly. Shouldn’t I practice what I preach?

I sit here, in this coffee shop, thinking about my 4 jobs. I enjoy all of them, because I am not tied to a desk, but I am, unfortunately, tied to a stigma that culture has bestowed upon 20somethings. The idea of where success is derived from.

So often we relate success to earning a good living, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, heck I have 4 jobs just so I can afford everything, but at the same time earning money should not be the only to keep us from pursuing our God given dreams and destinies. Along with that, failure is also many times a place we go mentally when we don’t align with the ideas and goals we or other people have set for our lives.

Hey, you’re not going to college?

Hey, you’re not married yet?

Hey, you’re 35 and you’re single?

Hey, you’re not working a corporate job even though you have a degree?

Hey, you’re broke?

Hey, an amazing opportunity came up, but it’s unpaid?

Sucks to be a failure, right? Right. Well, at least that’s what society tells us.

I think one reason we let these and many other so-called failures determine our views of ourselves and life, is because we put so much stock into them. We begin to put ourselves into opinions that are insignificant. We question everything we’ve come to know to be true. We begin to let fear take control and then we are stopped dead in our tracks, staring at everything with a wide-eyed look of terror stamped onto our faces. That isn’t how we should face life.

When I look at failure, I see a couple ways that it seems most prevalent.

1. We’re deathly afraid we are going to mess up

2. We don’t feel like we have any “physical” support

3. We don’t think that we are good enough to even be given the opportunity to fail

The problem is, usually, those doubts we have are what we let guide us because “better safe than sorry right?” Sometimes it takes a leap of faith to know what we should be doing. We shouldn’t fear failure, because the only true failure is never trying. When we try and mess up, in any way, at least we learn what not to do for next time, and Gods voice becomes more distinguished from our own voice.

When I think about all of these things, eating away at our thoughts, I obviously want to just turn into a bear and go hibernate for like 15 years. I feel like turning into any various forest creature would be sufficient though. They have no worries.

Anyway, back to real life.

Jesus has a few things to say about our problems and he can get pretty specific! First things first, IM THA REALIST. Just kidding, but

When we’re afraid to fail, he says,

2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV)

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

When we feel alone with no support, he says,

Psalm 73:23 (ESV)

“Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand.”

When we don’t think we’re good enough, he says,

Ephesians 2:10 (ESV)

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

I feel like Jesus is just super cool because he already knows were going to run around like the headless horseman, so he’s got these little sticky notes for our lives.

I’ve come to the conclusion that failure is inevitable, we’re humans, its how we deal with it that truly defines our character and makes us unstoppable.

You are amazing. I love you. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You are unstoppable. God has created you for greatness in many forms. Lets be cliché; let go and let God.

XoXo,

Brunette Adventurer

Affinity for Loneliness

I have this strange affinity for coffee shops because they allow you to be alone in a room filled with people, I also adore big cities for this same reason. It’s kind of crazy to think that I would enjoy things for that reason, because as I sit here tonight, in a coffee shop, I’m almost tormented by the fact that I realized I hate feeling unconnected and alone.

I sit here, constantly glancing at my phone, checking my email, scrolling through Instagram, and just wondering why no ones talking to me. I sit here wondering why no one wants my presence. I sit here feeling forgotten.

THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM.

In my stupor of loneliness I legitimately question why no one sees the value that I’m told I have. Let’s be honest, that’s so not ok.

Have you ever thought about that, especially if you’re an introvert? You want to be alone, but when you have absolutely no one to talk to you start to feel down, but not sad, you start to feel like something is wrong with you.

You sit there staring out the window, hoping that someone will come to your rescue, that you won’t have to sit there with just yourself and your own thoughts. That’s what’s scary; you realize you’re afraid of yourself.

So that leaves me with this question, what the heck is the root of this problem? Is it our worth? Our identity? Our fears? The simple answer is that it’s all of those things.

We are, for lack of better terminology, creating idols and gods out of what consumes our time.

“A god is anything that gives us our identity.” – Derwin Gray

In those moments when we are consumed with our fear of being alone, we are creating idols out of that fear. We are finding our identity in anything other than where we should.

Isaiah 44:17 (ESV)

“And the rest of it he makes into a god, his idol, and falls down to it and worships it. He prays to it and says, “Deliver me, for you are my god!”

We are making these things that fill our time idols, we are essentially worshiping these things when they determine our mood or happiness. We aren’t supposed to let such silly things ultimately define such important parts of our lives, because they effect our every day.

When we start to have the negative feels we need to sit there and think about what the REAL, defined by God, truth is. We conform to the world’s way of thinking every moment that we let something so insignificant define our thoughts.

Romans 12:2 (ESV)

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

So, here’s the thing, we are more than the negative feels, that turn into idols, then accidentally define our identity. There’s a list of what you are, and if you click on the word list, it’ll take you to it! Internet portals!

So, this is it for my post today, I love you all, you’re amazing. It is ok to be alone and when you get the feels about it, look to Jesus.

XoXo,

Brunette Adventurer

Infatuation

Infatuation is a dangerous thing. Infatuation disguises itself as love.

The definition if infatuation is:

Infatuation

Verb (used with object), infatuated, infatuating.

• To inspire or possess with a foolish or unreasoning passion, as of love.
• To affect with folly; make foolish or fatuous.

In essence, infatuation is simply a selfish emotion that has the ability to disguise itself as truth. I’m sure many of you are familiar with the quote that goes something like,

“I’m in love with places I’ve never been and people I’ve never met.”

With a young adult culture being utterly obsessed with the wanderlust concept, this quote has become increasingly popular. 18-year-old girls around the world are getting it tattooed on their ribcages and I’m sure it’s probably hand-lettered on a thrifted globe, which happens to be sitting on your vintage desk in the corner of your rustic themed dorm room. Let’s be honest though, I’m all about rustic decorating; muted neutral tones and wood accents, LOVE IT!

But anyway…

We have all become enthralled with the idea that we love all of these things we’ve never experienced, I honestly think that most of the time its just us falling in love with the idea in our heads. In a simple explanation, we’ve become infatuated with our perfectly designed ideas.

There’s a song by one of my favorite artists, Tossing Copper aka Jake Scott, that explains it perfectly. The song is called The Mason, and it goes like this,

I’ve held on so long

To what I want

You to become

I see that you are not

Who I dreamed you to be

But that’s not your fault

See long ago I made up my mind

She would be the love of my life

But now I see Ignorance is bliss

I fell in love with an idea in my head

But that’s not who she is

See I will take a thought

And let it grow

Till underneath it’s weight I am caught

When all I saw was a glimpse

Of who you might be

And I laid down these bricks

Building walls so lovely and strong

There’s no way, no chance I am wrong

Our castle stands and I know where she’ll fit

She’ll be with me here in my arms, I’m crazy in love

With who I think she is 

When I finally get to see you

I latch onto the hope I see in you

I won’t let go, I’ll say

“Look there’s a chance what I hoped for might actually be so!”

But I cannot justify this

Small suspicion that slowly is creeping in

That the castle walls are shaking

I fight the fact maybe I was mistaken

I hate when I knew

Nothing was real

In all that I had believed to be true

And the walls

Came crumbling down

And all I could think was ‘where is all that wasted time now?’

See long ago I made up my mind

She would be the love of my life            

Now I see I never really know you one bit

I fell in love with an idea in my head

But that’s not who she is

 I’ve bolded bits of the song to show what I’m talking about, we fall in love with our ideas instead of the truth, and since our ideas are so beautiful, when the truth shows up we almost feel confused, misled, or even guilty.

This is often a problem for me because I have a hard time grasping the way God speaks to me, even though I know when it’s him. It’s so silly but I get a feeling in my gut. Almost like that feeling you would get before falling off a cliff. Many times, I want to ignore this even if I’ve had the feeling for a while because I’ve become so infatuated with my conclusions that I don’t stop to actually listen to or even acknowledge the ultimate designer. Even as I write this I am extremely confused as to if I can actually hear the truth or if I am still wrapped up in my emotions.

Romans 8:16 (ESV)

“The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God,”

One thing I firmly believe even in all of my confusion and disdain is that God hears me, no matter what, even if I feel confused or deaf to his direction. The cool part about giving your life to God is you become his child, and in that his spirit dwells in you. When his spirit dwells in you, he guides your steps even if you mess up or take the wrong turn.

Romans 8:26 (ESV)

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning’s too deep for words.”

Psalm 32:8 (ESV)

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.”

This is something extremely difficult for me to grasp, because I have this thing where I really don’t want to screw up, but I guess that’s another thing that’s totally cool about Jesus. He gives us grace even in the moments when we let our infatuation take over. At the end of the day, infatuation can totally screw you up, but grace leads you home and helps you do better in the future, because is it really even a failure if you learned what not to do?

Plus a very wise friend of mine said, “even if you mess up for 2 months do you think that will completely change the destiny that has been placed over your life? NO!” Infatuation can be disguised as love, but the true, untainted love of our Heavenly Father will always guide us if we continue to seek his heart.

Well, this was randomly written before church, so I hope you have an amazing week! You are all amazing and beautiful, and talented, and supercalifragileisticexpalidoshus!

XoXo,

Brunette Adventurer

Even Though

Psalm 23(ESV)

The Lord Is My Shepherd

A Psalm of David.

“1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

3 He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness

for his name’s sake.

4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies;

6 you anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

all the days of my life,

and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord

forever.”

So, I’m highly aware that everyone, from the Pope to Atheists well versed in scripture, has read this verse. It’s pretty common; dare I even say popular? From a very young age, I am confident enough to say, that we’ve practically had this verse drilled deep into our memory, but have we ever taken the time to learn what’s inside of it?

The other night, I was doing a devotional and this verse was part of it. Usually, if I would have come across a verse that I know well, I would have just recited it verbatim then moved on to the next thing, but crazy enough; I didn’t do that. I stopped and read it through, like actually read it, and the words “even though” practically punched me in the throat. I was stopped dead in my tracks and just kept reading “even though” over and over again, then I went back and read what was surrounding that powerful conjunction.

The verse starts out by saying that God is doing amazing things for us, to rest in his lovely presence, and then it says, “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.” I kind of really adore that David writes it in that way, like “hey what’s up guys, God is phenomenal and he’s gonna bless your socks off when you’re in his presence, BUT WAIT! There’s gonna be some bad stuff coming, but remember, Gods gonna be with you during that too, so don’t worry about it one bit!”

That’s pretty cool.

After reading that, me, being the nerd that I am; searched synonymous conjunctions in the thesaurus.

“Even though” could also be said as:

• against
• although
• even though
• even with
• in contempt of
• in defiance of
• in the face of
• notwithstanding
• undeterred by

To me, it’s just so cool that David takes the time to cover all the bases in such a poetic manner. Many, many times the poetry seems to take over though and we lose sight of the divine truth. God is with us, even though we’ve done this or that, even though something destructive happened, even though we are afraid, even though we feel alone. Not only is he with us “even though,” he is the abundance of our solutions. God is our ultimate conjunction.

I have failed; God helps me achieve.

While this is a very short post, I hope that something resonates; God is here even though you may be facing a cliff or your life may be a walk in the park. You are amazing and you are covered in abundant solutions and love. Have an amazing weekend.

XoXo,

Brunette Adventurer

Road Maps & Black Diamonds

Proverbs 16:9 (ESV)

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”

Here’s the thing, I have REALLY REALLY BAD control issues. I’m also like 90% sure that I’ve written about this before, but who cares? Am I right? We all need a reality check every once in a while.

Recently, God has been showing me how much I try to control everything, and lets be honest, the fact that I can’t actually control anything makes my anxiety really antsy under my skin. In that scripture it says that, “man plans his way.” When I read it my mind instantly sets up this little map in my head, like if I were to be planning a hiking trip or something. I lay the map down and I start looking at the destinations that I want to go to. In this case, I start looking at who I want to be with, where I want to go, how I want to get there, how fast I’m going to get there, and I essentially create my own time line.

I have been planning MY way.

In my head I see each destination along the way and I’m like, “OK, this is perfect! Blah, blah, blah.” So I start out on the journey of my perfectly organized and color-coded plan for which way my life is going to go then I run into this huge rain shower and I don’t have an umbrella or I slip and fall off of a metaphorical cliff.

LIKE, THAT FREAKING SUCKS. I don’t want that to be my life, I want a green run not a black diamond. (Skiing/snowboarding reference)

So here I am, just going along then I come across this nonsense and my brain, being a human brain, is like flipping out. So at first when I come across this, my anxiety is like “Oh HAAAYYYY GIRL, what up? Let me just help you cry for three years about this.” The thing is, I want to cry for three years and just think about how this is the worst and it’s never going to get better, but that’s not real life. It’s just not true.

ANXIETY AND CONTROL IS A LIE, a big, fat lie.

The second part of that verse is what really sticks out to me simply for the phraseology, because instead of using the word ‘ways’ it says ‘steps.’ Steps happen one at a time. You can’t take 47 steps at once, I mean if you’re tall maybe you can step that distance, but you still don’t have that many feet. It’s true, think about it for a moment. You have two feet and the only way you get anywhere is moving one in front of the other, which means one step at a time. Isn’t there a Disney song about that or something? There has to be… ANY WAY!

So, God orders our steps. When we make our plans, we look literally like 37 years in the future, like, “oh, I wonder what my daughter is going to wear on her wedding day?” Why is that even relevant? That honestly has nothing what so ever to do with my life right now.

Looking at the big picture is a good thing, because it helps you consider possible outcomes and it helps decisions be more thoughtful and educated, but we cant let those big pictures give us the illusion of us being in control. We can’t let them completely dictate us through fear of the unknown.

Matthew 6:34 (ESV)

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

If we’re so focused on what might happen, what is happening won’t be as good as it can be. Focusing on the might makes the present almost unintentional. Unintentionally creates complacency and complacency is only harmful because it means you’re not growing.

I’m not sure about you guys, but I want to be intentional as heck. Like I want the people in my life to feel like they are THE STUFF. Let me tell you, making people feel valuable is pretty dang hard to do when you’re focusing on something that may happen if you say this exact thing and if whoever reacts exactly how you imagine they will.

Are you kidding me!? Even writing this I am more and more aware that control is an illusion. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m awful at living this out, but it is a process and processes develop over time to teach you. Since our process is derived with divine purpose, we don’t even need to be in control because Gods got our back.

Job 12:10 (ESV)

“In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind.”

Our fear is almost completely irrelevant because Gods purpose is so present.

Ecclesiastes 8:6 (ESV)

“For there is a time and a way for everything, although man’s trouble lies heavy on him.”

Many times when we get upset for our lack of control, it’s because we forget who we are in Christ. We run to God and ask him to take the problem away because we are so devastated, but what about recognizing that because of him we already have all that we need in ourselves. He has made us over comers. We are valuable beyond measure and no feeling, which accompanies the loss of our preconceived control, will change that. No feeling of doubt, worthlessness, fear, lack, sadness, or anything else will change our value. We need to bring our fear of from not being in control to him and then step back and just trust God to do what he’s promised.

“You’ve got to plead with God so that he can do what only he can do, then get out of the way and let him do it!”

Let me just say, I’m awful at giving it up and new situations arise every day, but that just means I have lots of opportunity for growth and to learn to put my trust in Gods control. Lets be honest every time we try to control anything its like that moment we’re lost in the rain shower in the middle of nowhere without the proper equipment; we always forget something.

I leave you all with that, and if this is just too scatter-brained to comprehend, then I’m sorry but I hope something resonates. You are all truly amazing, thinking about your hearts makes me excited to learn the hard stuff so I can share what’s close to me. Have an adventurous week!

XoXo,

Brunette Adventurer